Am I bisexual if I enjoy looking at cocks and jerking off with guys?

This is an issue which seems to come up a lot in discussions out there about male mutual masturbation, or even just in discussions about the kinds of porn guys might enjoy. It’s been a while since we talked about this on the blog, so I thought we’d better get back to it.

It’s an interesting question, and my opinions on this are my own. Some of you might agree, others might not. Feel free to leave your comment below whether you think I’m pretty much right or totally wrong.

First, lets talk about the labels themselves.

To make clear, we invented the notion of gay, straight and bisexual. These are not things assigned to us by the natural world like skin tone or hair colour. These labels are really no different to calling someone creative, or intelligent, or musically gifted. Assigning yourself to one of these groups is really all about identifying what it is that you enjoy, or by aspects of your personality.

It’s like assigning yourself to Mensa if you are more intelligent than other people. It doesn’t automatically make you intelligent in all aspects, it just means you have a different intellectual capacity to the majority. A member of Mensa can still be ignorant in many respects.

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In the same way, enjoying one aspect of sex does not mean you are in a new category. Just because you enjoy seeing penises, or you enjoy sharing masturbation, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to assign yourself to a new group of people who share that interest. The label is manufactured and you can choose to ignore it, just as someone who is intelligent might have no interest in solving puzzles issued by Mensa every month.

It’s also important to recognize that sexuality is a seldom explored subject, and also full of outright lies and half-truths throughout society. For instance, we know from previous research by Kinsey that an estimated 80% of males experience shared masturbation with other males at some point in their lives, but this research is entirely ignored in society.

It’s interesting that this disconnect exists, when any on of us can look at any adult movie and see the obvious and clear focus given to the erection.

All over the world right now, millions of men are watching “straight” porn and focused almost entirely on what the cocks in that video are doing, and often those men will climax watching those cocks ejaculating too – but they’re entirely heterosexual and have absolutely no interest at all, whatsoever, in another mans junk 🙂

This is a confusing hypocrisy in the adult male mind. Millions of men claim that there is absolutely nothing attractive at all about another mans penis, but at the same time almost all the porn they consume is focused on that penises are doing, and most of those men will reach climax when they see that penis ejaculating. If it were really true that men have no interest at all in other guys dicks, they would all be exclusively watching lesbian porn.

Men are in denial, generally speaking. The labels are neither here nor there, they can be rendered irrelevant. What is absolutely true, however, is that most men do indeed respond to the sight of other cocks being pleasured and ejaculating, of this there can be no doubt, the evidence is all around us in the multi-billion $ adult entertainment industry.

So, asking “am I bisexual” simply because you enjoy the sight of a penis is a kind of like asking “am I a trawler-man if I enjoy fishing once a month”. No, enjoying the sight of a cock does not make you anything other than sexually aroused.

When it comes to the enjoyment of masturbation between men, again there is little or no reason to assume that this makes you anything.

Men masturbate with other men for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s simply because they have different social boundaries when compared to the general population. It could just be that you don’t think it’s strange at all, while others might think it is. Who is right? No one, and asking that question is a waste of everyone’s time.

Maybe it’s because you have a fetish for something, perhaps you have a especial interest specifically in erections, or ejaculation, or the act of masturbation itself, or being on show, or watching someone… there are a million and one fetishes out there, but we don’t assume that because a man has a fetish for boobs or butts it must confine him to a category of sexuality.

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If a man gets off on wearing panties on his head, does that make him something else other than straight? Is there a category of sexuality he should be put into? Does it mean he loves wearing them in public or that he enjoys dressing up as Shirley Bassey at the weekends? No, of course not, and in the same way enjoying masturbation alongside another man doesn’t automatically mean you must subscribe to a club where men enjoy oral or anal sex with each other.

Sometimes, a sex act is just a sex act and doesn’t mean you need to join a club and take on everything all the others do.

There are millions of gay men out there who don’t like anal. There are millions of straight men out there who do. There are millions of bisexual men out there who only have penetrative sex with women and stick to masturbation and oral sex with men. There are billions of men out there of all labels who love masturbation…

If you find yourself saying Am I bisexual? Follow it up with why does it matter? And who am I answering to?

There is no list you need to sign, no members club you need a card from, no government agency ready to afford you special rights and privileges. There is no one you need to answer this question for. Just enjoy your cock, enjoy your body, enjoy your sexual experiences and stop wasting your life worrying about what boxes you might need to tick to satisfy some invisible overlord of collective group-think.

You only have one person to answer to, and that’s you.

Unfortunately, many men will, when it’s too late and they realize they wasted most of their life conforming to expectations and unspoken rules.

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12 thoughts on “Am I bisexual if I enjoy looking at cocks and jerking off with guys?

  • January 6, 2016 at 10:40 pm
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    Short answer is NO you’re not obligated to identify with any sexually named group. Did you ever have to play tennis in PE at school, how bout volleyball? Now that you have…. would you label yourself a tennis player? would you even label yourself an athlete? How bout home ec? Just because you had to bake a cake and hem some pants doesn’t make you a baker or a tailor. We all try many things in life as we try and figure out what we like and don’t like. We also decide who we want to be around doing things we like and don’t like. It’s much more important to do the things that make us happy and to do them with people who also enjoy that past-time, then to care about the people who would mock us for our pleasures, or shun our presence for our pleasures.

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  • January 7, 2016 at 4:24 am
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    I’ve been happily married for 30 years, have 2 kids and 3 grand kids. My son is gay and has been in a committed relationship with his partner since he was 19, he’s now 35. I have no interest in sex with men or having a relationship beyond friendship. I have three great friends I’ve known for decades and I consider them to be like brothers to me and we share masturbation from time to time. I enjoy masturbation, and I enjoy seeing other men enjoying masturbation. Does that make me gay? How is that possible if I have loved my wife for over 30 years and we still have a great sex life? Am I bisexual? Okay, if enjoying masturbation with other men makes me bi then I’m happy to accept that label, even though it makes absolutely no difference to anyone. My wife is a wonderful woman, an understanding woman, an accepting woman, she understand sexuality more than most. She has never questioned my interests in masturbation because she knows I love her and have no interest in running away and shacking up with one of my friends. We enjoy our dicks together, that’s all.
    I would say stop worrying about what things might mean to others, it’s not their life and it’s not their dick. No one has the right to be telling you what you are or are not.

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  • January 7, 2016 at 5:28 am
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    I agree with most of the opinions that sexuality is not always about sex. And even if people think that then what does it matter to you? No one can tell you what sexuality you should give yourself.

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  • January 7, 2016 at 6:07 am
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    The whole thing about bisexual and gay etc is a myth in my opinion. You can categorize people easily like that because of fetishes and sexual interests. It’s like segregating all men who like boobs from all men who like butts and giving them different names. Sexuality is a fluid thing and it’s entirely possible for a guy who wants a committed relationship with women to have a fetish for cock, just as it’s entirely possible for that same man to have a fetish for panties, or for wanking with beans, or for wearing stockings…

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  • January 7, 2016 at 12:25 pm
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    I used to think the same thing when I started wanking with mate. Then I said fuck it and stopped caring society might think about it. Forget the bullshit and enjoy that dick.

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  • January 7, 2016 at 12:35 pm
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    Enjoy yourself and dont care what other people think.

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  • January 9, 2016 at 12:21 pm
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    No it doesn’t make you bi. It makes you an appreciator of cock. We all are in one way or another.

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  • January 9, 2016 at 12:50 pm
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    I basically agree with the other opinions on discussions like this. Sex is too complicated for those labels. And even if you are bi technically what difference does it make? Who are you trying to please? Enjoy sex with other consenting adults and ignore all the bullshit. You don’t want to get to my age and be regretting all the opportunities you missed just because you were worried about what other people might think if they knew – how would they know, and why do you give a damn what they think?

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  • January 9, 2016 at 1:56 pm
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    cant say i ever thought about my sexuality like that. just no i always loves wanking with guys and i like pussy too.

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  • January 11, 2016 at 11:59 am
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    I think there’s also a difference in nationalities too.
    The US for example is far more prudish about things than the British, and things like this are far more common across Europe where attitudes to sex and sexuality are far more advanced. Europe has a long history of same sex appreciation, from the Romans to the Greeks. This translates into modern times in a different way thanks to these labels, but the ideals are still there. Before the start of the 20th century there were no distinctions, there were just men who enjoyed the company of other men, or men who enjoyed the company of both men and women. There was pressure to marry and have a son, but that was never assumed to mean that they would never have sexual relations with another man at some time.
    It was very similar in British culture I believe, only there is was absolutely never talked about in polite society. You had a class of men who had personal assistants, which many believe was predominantly a cover for same sex intimacy of a certain nature.
    In some respects it’s rather sad that we went backwards, but it’s good that this might now be moving forwards and people are more inclined to reject those labels entirely and simply enjoy the sexual activities they enjoy with other adults.
    Perhaps it’s all cyclical? Perhaps we will enter another age where sexuality is a private matter and enjoying something with a member of the same sex is no longer considered to mean anything more than the sharing of a bond or a sexual pleasure?

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  • January 11, 2016 at 12:14 pm
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    Only wanked with one guy and that was during college. We used to wank together all the time. We never thought it changed anything about either of us and we both went on to marry and have kids. I do miss it though. It’s near impossible to find that kind of friendship again later in life.

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  • January 11, 2016 at 12:37 pm
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    If im bi for loving the sight of a nice hard cock being wanked then i dont give a fuck.

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