Testing the waters

Submitted by Scott in Utah

Never wanked with a mate before.  Consider myself straight, 52yo widowed with 3 adult children.   Yet the idea of frot (cock on cock) and mutual wanking is a total turn on.  Am I sick and twisted, or is this normal?  How do I find someone to try this out with.  My own mates of 40+ years would (I believe) never agree, and think I’m nuts.  Any suggestions?

Straight but horny in Utah USA

You’re definitely not sick and twisted, and yes it’s pretty normal too. There are millions of men out there who are pretty much straight in every aspect, but they have a fetish for masturbation, or an appreciation for shared masturbation with other guys for other reasons – such as the closeness it brings between friends or the simple fact that they’ve never seen it as something strange to hide from their close friends.

It’s also important to remember that the notion of gay/straight/bisexual etc is a man-made construct. We invented these very simplistic categories for something that is extremely complex. Human sexuality covers a wide spectrum, it’s pretty odd for us to think something so complicated can be categorized into just three simplistic groups. And how are these groups defined? If a bisexual man enjoys sex with more women than men, is he more straight than bisexual?

Most importantly, we’re only here on this Earth for a short time, conforming to expectations of an imagined collective thought process is ridiculous. Who cares what you do in your private life and with other adults? It’s no one elses business but yours and that of those you enjoy it with. No one should be limiting their experience of life based on what they think some random stranger out there might think about them. What is the fear? That someone you never met somewhere at some time might disapprove? Even the opinions of those we do know and care about are irrelevant when it comes to experiencing life the way you want to experience it. Again, we’re only here for a short time, we should never be denying ourselves the right to live as we wish based on how others demand we exist.

As for your friends, I think it can definitely be difficult to know who might be interested. I have discovered wank mates among my friends by leaving porn out to be “discovered” when they’re over for a beer, which then often leads to wanking. Other times I’ve simply suggested it late at night after a movie or something. Other times I’ve got talking to guys on-line and became friends through other interests, like camping or concerts, and this then leads to meeting up for an event, it’s definitely easier becoming friends with someone for other reasons while knowing you’re both interested in shared wanking too.

I would suggest doing that. Get out there and meet new people, find groups on-line (like BuddyBate) and see if there are others in your area. Even taking a class or something will result in you meeting new people and you never know where that will lead. Join a hiking club or volunteer with a charity, anything that will bring you out into new groups of people. There’s really no downside to this either, you’ll definitely make new friends and have more experiences, and eventually you’ll find someone interested in the same things as you sexually.

Imagine if you pack your life with things going on, meeting new guys all the time, making new friends every week… eventually you’ll find a few guys who are interested and there’s no real risk, you’re not that invested in them.

We have some articles here on the blog, some experiences by others, which might give you some tips and ways to see if new friends are into it, but I would suggest getting out there and meeting new guys for this.

I hope this helps, sorry that this post became so long and boring! 🙂