Dealing With Feelings Of Inadequacy
Submitted by Dylan
First time submitter here. Love the blog and the community.
I have issues with inadequacy. I’ve been jacking it with dudes since college (I’m 47 now) and I’ve jacked it with all kinds of guys and all kinds of dicks and never experienced any problems, but in January I met up with a new guy who has a very big cock. I love playing with him and we have a good time, but my dick is small compared to his.
I’m about 5.5 inches and he’s about 8.5.
He’s never said anything about our differences and we have a great time edging and frotting. We can bate for a couple hours and finish big. We enjoy long sessions with lots of contact (hand jobs, frotting, edging, cum contests etc) but I keep finding myself thinking about how different our dicks are and how small mine looks next to his.
I know I’m being stupid about this. I never cared about the size of any of the guys I jacked with in the past, it was never even something that was talked about (at least not more than compliments and horny talk like “your big fucking cock feels so hard” while bating etc) but I guess I just feel less adequate when our dicks are together.
Not sure how to deal with it.
Hi Dylan!
This is a tricky one. Clearly this is all inside you and it doesn’t seem as though it’s the result of any external humiliation or torment. I think it’s probably quite common for guys to compare and wonder what other men think about them, but I’m not sure how you perceive this as impacting your encounters with him and other men.
From what you describe you’re having a good time with your new bate buddy and he hasn’t given you any cause to feel this way, so it seems it’s an internal issue that you need to work through.
Maybe you could talk to him about it? Maybe you have other bate friends you could discuss it with? It doesn’t need to be a big deal, I’m sure any of the bators you ask would give a similar response. Most men don’t really care about size that much (beyond their own cock), even though it might be fun to handle a big one.
Guys tend to have momentary fantasies about having a big cock, but when they’re handling other cocks they don’t really impose that desire on other men. We all understand that dicks are fun, whether they’re 5 inches or 9. Sure, it might be fun to handle a 9 inch, but that doesn’t diminish the pleasure of edging a 5 inch.
Does any of this make sense?
I think maybe you just need to get used to being buddies and exploring your masturbation together more, it seems this might just be about the novelty of it.
I don’t mean to diminish what you’re feeling so I hope it doesn’t come across that way, but it doesn’t seem as though this is causing you any discomfort or occupying a lot of your time, it doesn’t seem to be really impacting your bate relationships, so I would suggest just seeing how it goes and you’ll probably find this self-imposed inadequacy fading away over time.
I hope that helps.
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I think a lot of guys have had this experience. When you get down to it, everyone has an insecurity about something, but in this case, it sounds like the insecurity didn’t come up until you compared yourself, which is always a risky move in life in general. What might be interesting, is being open about your insecurity the guy you bate with. I did that years ago (he also had a bigger cock), and he told me has had never done anal, and some girls would flat out turn him away. HE was insecure about it, not knowing how others would respond. He also ran into women and men who fetishized him in a way that made him uncomfortable. Your buddy may not respond in the same way, but it might be good for you to let go of the thought and not let it be the “elephant in the room” during your sessions.