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Getting over the “gay” thing in mutual masturbation

Guys wanking together isn’t gay.

This is one of those subjects that I think needs to be brought up regularly on the BuddyBate blog, because far too many guys are still fixated on the labels and the expectations of those labels.

As I mentioned in another post recently, a YouGov poll in the UK recently found that almost half of all 18-25 year-olds don’t identify as any sexuality. Younger people are refusing to accept that there are only three choices to choose from. It seems as though the evolution of Human sexuality is speeding up, and this is probably thanks to the Internet.

Millions of young people now have more freedom to explore various aspects to their sexuality that they might never have had the opportunity to explore before.

Some older readers might remember the time before the Internet, when the only places you could find porn were magazines and VHS tapes. Back in those days you basically got what you could, and the selection was extremely limited unless you were bold enough to catch a train into London and walk into a sex shop in SOHO.

I’ll get into a whole thing on the evolution of porn and male masturbation in another post, so stick around for that, this one is about getting over the labels.

The labels are man-made

Regardless of perception or what anyone else will tell you, the notion of “gay, straight or bi” is a man-made construct. We invented these labels to facilitate the categorization of Human sexuality, mainly to enable discussion about it. It’s easy to fall into the trap of using the labels, I do it myself, because to not use the labels makes it so much harder to communicate an idea or continue the discussion.

It’s true, though, Human sexuality is far more complex than these labels would have you believe. Just as bisexual people have different relationships with both sexes to differing degrees throughout their life depending on the person, the circumstances, the attraction etc… there is no reason why a person who usually identifies as heterosexual throughout most of their life can’t have experiences with the same gender.

We don’t categorize trees by the colour of their leaves and stick to “light green, mid green and dark green”, so why do we categorize Humans based on one facet of their being, when that facet of their being is so varied and complex? It would be like categorizing all Humans into three groups by the length of their hair, or the clothes they wear, or the colour of their shoes.

If a guy has a fetish for wearing leather, or wearing women’s underwear, or spanking, are they categorized into a sexual path and forced to walk it? No. A guy wearing women’s underwear for a sexual reason could be straight, bisexual, or even gay.

In just the same way, a man could have heterosexual relationships all of his life but still have a fetish for masturbation, or seeing other men climax, or helping another man to shoot a load. This one fetish or act doesn’t redefine their entire life and sexual orientation.

The fetish

It’s a dirty word, fetish. When you hear it you think of people pissing on each other or being spanked while bound in leather in someone’s basement. Not that there’s anything wrong with those things, of course. You do you.

Fetishes extend far beyond what society has led us to believe.

I know guys who have a fetish for foreskin, lots of American guys I’ve met over the years love a hooded cock. I know others who have a fetish for big tits, or big round butts. Yes, even though this is one of the most common aspects of male sexuality having a preference for big tits is a fetish. People don’t think it is because people have a warped idea of what fetish means. It doesn’t mean something only a smaller group of people are secretly into, it’s an aspect of sexuality maligned by public perception into being something a minority of people are interested in.

The truth is, anything can be a fetish. Masturbation, especially, can be a fetish and it’s one of the most overlooked of them all.

I truly believe that male masturbation is a fetish for millions of men. It’s the first sexual act we encounter, the first experience of sexual pleasure for the majority of men. It’s something we enjoy doing throughout our lives and millions of men plan things around it.

As such, I believe many millions of men have a fetish for seeing another man enjoying his own member in the same way. How else are we to explain the fact that just about every adult movie in the world ends with men masturbating and climaxing?

If all of those millions of men were entirely 100% about women and have absolutely no interest in male genitalia at all, why isn’t every porn movie girl-on-girl? The reality is that all those millions of men seem to enjoy seeing very large cocks on their screen, they seem to enjoy seeing those large cocks being wanked at the end of it and shooting off a load. How man men out there DON’T climax seeing another cock cumming in a porn video?

How else do we explain this other than by realizing that these millions of heterosexual men enjoy seeing another penis?

If we need any evidence of the confusion of male sexuality we only need to look at the porn industry. We have millions of men who claim to be “100% heterosexual” shooting off their loads while watching other men shooting off their loads, and these men never stop to ask themselves why that is.

Masturbation is a fetish, so it seems reasonable to think that guys wanking together is a natural progression of that fetish.

One act doesn’t change you

Eating a Vegan meal at a restaurant doesn’t make you Vegan.

Getting far too drunk over Christmas doesn’t make you an Alcoholic.

Wearing a dress on Halloween for a friend’s raucous party doesn’t make you transgender.

Guys wanking together doesn’t make either of them suddenly shift their entire sexuality, nor does it change their existing appreciation for the fairer sex.

We’re so blinded by this system of arbitrary categorization that men grow up thinking this is the way you do things, that to be this person you have to conform to a certain set of traits and characteristics, that any deviation from this “norm” moves you out of one category and into another. It’s simply not true.

Your sexuality doesn’t simply change into something else when you add a new experience. If you want to experience something the drive is already there, you already have that part of your sexuality urging you on, actually experiencing it is either going to confirm that it was a good choice, or not. Nothing has changed to make you want to try something, and trying it and enjoying it won’t then make you want to run out and buy Kylie albums to practice some dance routines for Gay Pride.

Who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks?

I usually end on this, but it’s right that I do.

Depending on your train of thought, we are only here for a very limited time. The notion that we should all comply with a random set of commands issued by no one, enforced by no one, is an insanity I find hard to understand.

Two guys wanking together changes nothing beyond that experience and those involved.

You are a tiny little blip in space and time, in a vast existence stretching out across trillions of planets we cannot even see. We are all extremely rare, we are all extremely limited in time, our existence is a confusion in itself. We are all remarkable.

So, why do we spend our short remarkable lives on this rock worrying so insanely about what someone we don’t know might think about us, theoretically?

Do you care about what someone you don’t know does in their free time? No. You couldn’t care less if Timmy from the shop down the road loves being spanked at the weekends. Your opinion of that is meaningless and you wouldn’t expect to have any say in what he does. Your perception of him should have absolutely no impact on his life whatsoever.

So, knowing this, why do so many men give so much of a damn about what other people might think about them if they happened to discover that they enjoy wanking one out with a mate now and then? They won’t know, they have no reason to know, and even if they did know it’s fuck all to do with them unless it’s their cock you’re stroking.

This is between you and those you experience these things with. No one else has any say in it.

In conclusion

Get over the labels, they don’t serve us in life. The next generation has worked this out and it seems they’re more clued-up than most of us when it comes to these things. Be yourself, experience the things you want to experience, don’t let some mythical societal imagination dictate what is “okay” and what isn’t, based on a set of arbitrary rules no one ever agreed to. You are here for a very short time and it would be a terrible waste to get to the end of you life wishing you had done so much more but you let imaginary disapproval stop you from experiencing the things you wanted to experience.

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I'm Brad, and I'm an avid masturbator. I'm the primary author here at BuddyBate, publishing the experiences of readers, adding fiction content submitted by visitors and sharing some of the best masturbation porn available.

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5 thoughts on “Getting over the “gay” thing in mutual masturbation

  • December 31, 2016 at 10:37 pm

    This is a great piece and should be a part of sex ed for young men well done!

    Where are you located mate?

  • January 4, 2017 at 7:57 pm

    I agree that this should be part of sex ed.
    I grew up in the 60’s, 70’s, and at that time at least in smaller rural areas, sex was taught by your father.
    My dad was the straighter man alive. But he was very open and taught me that masterbation was something every man and boy did, because it was a nesisary task because our testicles kept producing sperm even though we hadn’t emptied our balls.
    He said that alot of men feel more comfortable to masterbate with a long time friend, brother, Co worker, relative, or a trusted buddy group.
    He said that was because you could not only release your load, but you could open up and discuss private topics and fantasies, that worry the person.
    Dad told me he masterbate alot with his brother and his best friend growing up and then when he went into the marines, he found that through whole platoon was a close knit, private group that helped each other any way they could because that was your life line, your brothers, your best bud, and it was a normal thing that you all needed release and you kept your mate’s needs in mind w your own.
    Dad had no problems with me knowing these things about him and he also told me that in no uncertain terms should I be worried about him catching me polishing the pole either by my self or w a cousin or close fried or trying to hide something that he and every other male in history has done, because he would rather catch me jerking off instead of finding out I got some girl pregnant because I was busting at the seams w an overload of sperm.

  • August 19, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    I agree with this post to the extent that if you continue “experimenting” with the same thing you’re probably not experimenting anymore. Such as if you enjoy sucking another man’s penis, jerking him off, jerking off next to another man, and you do it multiple times and find out you enjoy it, then you’ve gotten over the experimental stage and you’ve defined your own sexuality.

    Don’t be afraid of labeling yourself, and if you do it, use the correct one. A man that enjoy’s another man’s cock, since mutual masturbation is a sexual act, is not and will never be heterosexual. A man who is curious about what it feels like to be with another man and tries it a couple times is bicurious still. Experimentation is healthy, when you do too much of it through I think it turns more into confusion than anything else.

    • December 7, 2017 at 10:36 pm

      I never said anything about suckling a man’s penis, and just how far can you take this jerking off next to a guy makes you gay? Does that cover two men at opposite ends of the barracks jerking off in the same room make them gay.?
      Or two men in hotel rooms adjacent to each other make them gay?
      I think not!
      I am confident in my sexulaity I don’t have to pigeon hole myself for the security of another’s insecurities.

  • December 7, 2017 at 10:37 pm

    I never said anything about suckling a man’s penis, and just how far can you take this jerking off next to a guy makes you gay? Does that cover two men at opposite ends of the barracks jerking off in the same room make them gay.?
    Or two men in hotel rooms adjacent to each other make them gay?
    I think not!
    I am confident in my sexulaity I don’t have to pigeon hole myself for the security of another’s insecurities.


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