How Do I Tell My Girlfriend I Like Jacking Guys?
Submitted by DustinDoes
I had a few experiences in college, mostly just jacking off with guys and helping each other out. I guess I kinda thought it was a phase but I really loved grabbing other cocks and making dudes nut.
I’m 29 now and I’ve been with my girlfriend for two years. Things are going great. The problem is that I’ve never told her about my curious side. I never got over my enjoyment of dicks in college. I’m more into it now than I was even though I haven’t acted on it.
I’ve had a few close calls. Taking a piss and getting hard and seeing other guys showing off and jacking it. Restrooms are the worst. I know a couple places where guys check out dicks and handle each other and I’ve been close to getting back into it a few times but back out and leave when things get close.
So far it’s just been dudes watching and showing. I’ve seen a few guys cum, a few guys have watched me finish. There’s been no touching or frotting but I get so close to it and then go.
I don’t want to cheat on her. I don’t think seeing a guy cum or a dude watching me jacking it is cheating, but making contact is. Maybe I’m just weird about that but it’s the way I see things.
I’m not sure whether I should just tell about this side of myself. I don’t think she’d get it. I don’t really consider myself bisexual, it’s just about jacking off and handling cocks. Maybe I’m underestimating her, maybe she would get it. I don’t know. I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship.
Thanks for listening.
Thanks for your submission DustinDoes.
This is a complicated issue and one we’ve talked about a few times, and I always say the same thing… no one can tell you what your limits should be and we can’t really comment much on your relationship or how you should handle it. It would be unfair to tell you how something should go when we don’t know the people involved beyond what you’ve shared.
Every guy has his limits and every guy thinks differently about what is considered cheating. I think you’ve struck a good balance with your position. Obviously seeing other penises isn’t cheating, watching other guys jacking off isn’t cheating, unless you consider the secrecy and hiding it from your girlfriend might make it so.
Ultimately I do think it’s always best to be honest. I also think it’s another indicator of compatibility. If you were to tell her about this and she felt strongly enough about it that it could risk your relationship, are you really compatible enough to continue?
Let’s look at it this way, if she thought so strongly about you even admiring another penis from a distance, isn’t that automatically unfair? Isn’t that an imposition, someone wishing to control your thoughts? She can’t possibly control what you see, but the implication would be that she believes she has the right to. That can’t be considered reasonable.
As for the rules you’ve set for yourself, perhaps you might be able to seek out a male friend who is on the same page? There are a lot of men in our community who just enjoy the friendship aspect of being able to openly masturbate in each other’s company, no contact required. So perhaps that’s what you’re really looking for? Maybe that kind of friendship would be enough to satisfy your sexual interests without doing something that you consider to be crossing that cheating line?
You could also perhaps find an opportunity to share experiences you’ve both had before. Maybe you could tell her about the experiences you had in college and see how she responds to it? This would at least give you a better understanding of where she is in her perceptions of that kind of encounter.
I definitely think if you’re comfortable with the limits you currently have and don’t feel the need to explain it to her you should seek out a friend or two who are similarly minded. If just enjoying porn and jacking off in the company of other men is enough for you, and it’s not cheating, maybe that’s the perfect solution. There are definitely plenty of men who enjoy the same.
I wish you all the best, I hope you find the right balance and get to the situation you want. Please get back to us with any updates in the future, I’m sure all our readers would like to hear how it goes.
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Hi. It’s never easy to tell your girlfriend or wife about your desire to engage with guys sexually on any level. I’m married now, but I never lost my desire to touch another man’s penis. I enjoy masturbating, and do it a lot solo, but I also really like to masturbate another man and have him masturbate me. My wife did find out, and it was embarrassing at first, but she is more ok with it now, especially since her desire for sex has lessened since we had kids.
If this is something you really need to do, and continue to even just be with another man whether you touch dicks or not, she will ultimately find out. I can’t say which choice you should make, but if you truly love each other, and you don’t engage in wild sex with a guy (or another woman), it shouldn’t be too difficult for her to accept it. Living a lie is going to be worse for your relationship than telling the truth. Just don’t promise to give this up unless you feel you can keep that promise. Straight married or single guys who enjoy dick cannot just stop desiring it.
Dude, as a man in his 40s and happily married since I was around your age, my experience tells me that you have to be open and honest for it to be a happy arrangement anyway.
When my wife and I were early in the relationship, that included me casually mentioning jerking with friends growing up and in college.
Now our relationship rule is I can only insert in her or a toy. She is fine with me grabbing a buddy and a buddy grabbing me. And it works because she knows.
If you don’t think it’ll work with your gf if she knows, then maybe she isn’t the right one for you.
I’m not married, or in relationship, and gay. But I look at it this way. Your sig-o must always be involved. You get to determine what cheating means to you. But so does your sig-o. I think you need to let your gf decide if this is cheating to her. Or how much of it is cheating. You cant guess this cause that is deciding for her, without her input. And it might be an uncomfortable conversation. But if your are two mature adults, hard conversations should at least be something you can attempt. Also, you dont want to make the guy/s you bate with “the other person”. If she does consider it cheating, that makes the guys complicit. And that can feel shitty.
Is it cheating? Well lets look at it with you two watching a show together. But you want to watch ahead. Does she consider that cheating? Would she not care? It’s easy to tell yourself yes, and have it convenient. But the only *REAL* way to know if that hurts -your- gf is to let her decide that directly.