Overcoming Shyness
Submitted by Orion
I wasn’t sure if this would be a good place to ask this but as it’s masturbation month and it’s kind of related I thought I would try.
There are some cruisy places near me. There are toilets at the university where I know guys cruise and the gym I go to is kind of known for it too. I really like reading stories from guys who find wanks at the urinals and stuff like that but I’ve always been shy when it comes to that stuff.
Some of my friends, who I also work out with, are completely shameless when it comes to nudity and I wish I was more like them. At the gym there are always guys showing off their dicks in the locker room and showers and it’s pretty normal for a hard dick to be seen or a semi stiff cock to be swinging around and I really want to be one of those guys.
I have a good dick, I’m told I’m handsome, I have a good body. I’ve seen other guys getting hard in the showers and at the urinals but whenever I think about showing off or getting involved I get too shy.
Unless I’m semi-drunk or already very horny I can’t even use the urinals when there are other guys there and whenever I get determined to do it I back out and use a cubicle instead.
The idea of meeting someone for a wank is out of the question. I would probably have a panic attack. I wish I already had friends who were into it and could kind of lead me by the hand so to speak lol
Any advice?
Hey Orion
Your question isn’t out of place at all.
A lot of men experience anxiety (is it considered social anxiety? I’m not sure). Masturbating with other guys requires vulnerability and a kind of openness that a lot of men are just not used to. While a lot of guys are relaxed about masturbation with other men it’s still not considered a prominent thing which is accepted widely. A lot of guys like the idea of that kind of experience but they wish they could skip over all the awkward stuff and just get right to the comfortable friendship where it’s okay.
Unfortunately there isn’t one solution to this. I’m not a psychologist but in my opinion there are only two ways to overcome something like this.
- Gradual acclimation to new ways of thinking and how you view your place among other men.
- Quick and sudden exposure to a new experience.
Each one has its pros and cons. Obviously the first requires a commitment and a plan. You need to take time to become more accustomed to common nudity among men, or gradually increase your involvement with other guys. That means creating a plan and sticking to it. It sounds very sciency and complicated but it doesn’t need to be. Overcome little hurdles, like using urinals when no one is there, walking from the locker room to the showers without a towel, intentionally dropping your guard among other men in scenarios where it’s acceptable to be on display among other men.
This will take time, but in my perception anxiety is mostly about what you imagine might happen, you think of the worst or you fear the unknown, but it almost always doesn’t match the reality. The reality is much more mundane and far more comfortable than the feared expectation. Gradually you’ll come to realize this and be more outgoing.
You’ll become more and more accustomed to being on display, you’ll learn that other guys are quite similar, you’ll start to be more comfortable with the environment you’re in among other naked men and this will likely evolve to allow you the freedom to act on your interests with more confidence.
The second option is the short, sharp shock of immersion into an uncomfortable situation to kind of force yourself to deal with it. There is a risk to this, though. If you do this and you perceive a negative result (even if it isn’t actually a negative result) it could reinforce your subconscious fears.
I would suggest doing a little research into overcoming fears and phobias. While this might not be the same the tools you could learn through that will help you overcome your anxiety and you’ll find ways to gradually move forward to become more confident.
I hope that helps.
Enjoyed this post? Please leave a comment below and say thanks to reader Orion for submitting it. Join our NEWSLETTER for weekly updates and know when a new post like this one arrives, and why not send us your own experiences of bating with buddies, your fantasies, or just your opinions on male sexuality? Visit the CONTACT page to share your own story.