not sure what you are asking here. Are you asking if I feel like I'm cheating? If so, I do not feel it is cheating as I am only masturbating and my wife already knows that I masturbate and have been for our entire marrage. 

I guess I’m asking, is it cheating as it feels like it is? Not being judgmental here , just I love it when it happens and feel awful afterwards 

I do not think or feel it is cheating, masturbation in my mind is never cheating. Unless you establishing a relationship that is more than physical. 

Thanks dude! Men to Men hook ups have a totally different vibe to Men to Women hook ups. Feel so guilty after I’ve shot my bolt !