Am I bisexual if I enjoy looking at cocks and jerking off with guys?

This is an issue which seems to come up a lot in discussions out there about male mutual masturbation, or even just in discussions about the kinds of porn guys might enjoy. It’s been a while since we talked about this on the blog, so I thought we’d better get back to it.

It’s an interesting question, and my opinions on this are my own. Some of you might agree, others might not. Feel free to leave your comment below whether you think I’m pretty much right or totally wrong.

First, lets talk about the labels themselves.

To make clear, we invented the notion of gay, straight and bisexual. These are not things assigned to us by the natural world like skin tone or hair colour. These labels are really no different to calling someone creative, or intelligent, or musically gifted. Assigning yourself to one of these groups is really all about identifying what it is that you enjoy, or by aspects of your personality.

It’s like assigning yourself to Mensa if you are more intelligent than other people. It doesn’t automatically make you intelligent in all aspects, it just means you have a different intellectual capacity to the majority. A member of Mensa can still be ignorant in many respects.

[bloketoysad]

In the same way, enjoying one aspect of sex does not mean you are in a new category. Just because you enjoy seeing penises, or you enjoy sharing masturbation, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to assign yourself to a new group of people who share that interest. The label is manufactured and you can choose to ignore it, just as someone who is intelligent might have no interest in solving puzzles issued by Mensa every month.

It’s also important to recognize that sexuality is a seldom explored subject, and also full of outright lies and half-truths throughout society. For instance, we know from previous research by Kinsey that an estimated 80% of males experience shared masturbation with other males at some point in their lives, but this research is entirely ignored in society.

It’s interesting that this disconnect exists, when any on of us can look at any adult movie and see the obvious and clear focus given to the erection.

All over the world right now, millions of men are watching “straight” porn and focused almost entirely on what the cocks in that video are doing, and often those men will climax watching those cocks ejaculating too – but they’re entirely heterosexual and have absolutely no interest at all, whatsoever, in another mans junk 🙂

This is a confusing hypocrisy in the adult male mind. Millions of men claim that there is absolutely nothing attractive at all about another mans penis, but at the same time almost all the porn they consume is focused on that penises are doing, and most of those men will reach climax when they see that penis ejaculating. If it were really true that men have no interest at all in other guys dicks, they would all be exclusively watching lesbian porn.

Men are in denial, generally speaking. The labels are neither here nor there, they can be rendered irrelevant. What is absolutely true, however, is that most men do indeed respond to the sight of other cocks being pleasured and ejaculating, of this there can be no doubt, the evidence is all around us in the multi-billion $ adult entertainment industry.

So, asking “am I bisexual” simply because you enjoy the sight of a penis is a kind of like asking “am I a trawler-man if I enjoy fishing once a month”. No, enjoying the sight of a cock does not make you anything other than sexually aroused.

When it comes to the enjoyment of masturbation between men, again there is little or no reason to assume that this makes you anything.

Men masturbate with other men for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s simply because they have different social boundaries when compared to the general population. It could just be that you don’t think it’s strange at all, while others might think it is. Who is right? No one, and asking that question is a waste of everyone’s time.

Maybe it’s because you have a fetish for something, perhaps you have a especial interest specifically in erections, or ejaculation, or the act of masturbation itself, or being on show, or watching someone… there are a million and one fetishes out there, but we don’t assume that because a man has a fetish for boobs or butts it must confine him to a category of sexuality.

[bloketoysad]

If a man gets off on wearing panties on his head, does that make him something else other than straight? Is there a category of sexuality he should be put into? Does it mean he loves wearing them in public or that he enjoys dressing up as Shirley Bassey at the weekends? No, of course not, and in the same way enjoying masturbation alongside another man doesn’t automatically mean you must subscribe to a club where men enjoy oral or anal sex with each other.

Sometimes, a sex act is just a sex act and doesn’t mean you need to join a club and take on everything all the others do.

There are millions of gay men out there who don’t like anal. There are millions of straight men out there who do. There are millions of bisexual men out there who only have penetrative sex with women and stick to masturbation and oral sex with men. There are billions of men out there of all labels who love masturbation…

If you find yourself saying Am I bisexual? Follow it up with why does it matter? And who am I answering to?

There is no list you need to sign, no members club you need a card from, no government agency ready to afford you special rights and privileges. There is no one you need to answer this question for. Just enjoy your cock, enjoy your body, enjoy your sexual experiences and stop wasting your life worrying about what boxes you might need to tick to satisfy some invisible overlord of collective group-think.

You only have one person to answer to, and that’s you.

Unfortunately, many men will, when it’s too late and they realize they wasted most of their life conforming to expectations and unspoken rules.