Bating Helped Me Understand My Sexuality
Submitted by Kevin
I came out as gay during college in the early 2000s. At that time, it seemed really important to be out while activists were fighting for marriage equality, the repeal of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy in the US and other civil rights issues. It was a big step for me to accept my feelings and desire for other guys so coming out did help me in a way.
But even then, I never really felt comfortable with the gay label. I still don’t. I’m a very liberal and progressive person so it’s not about some kind of homophobia. I’m comfortable around and supportive of people of all sexual and gender identities. The problem was that the gay label never seemed to accurately describe my experience or sexual feelings. It just didn’t fit right.
What I get off on most is casual nudity between guys, whether that’s in a locker room, sauna, nude beach, etc. For me, there’s something about the masculinity and maleness of it. I feel a strong sense of recognition of myself as a man and a connection with other guys in those situations. It’s that openness with other men, as a man, that I crave the most.
I’m drawn to guys both emotionally and physically but I’m not really into sucking, fucking or any of the other acts gay men usually enjoy. Those things seem to take away the equality, mutual respect and acknowledgement, at least the way I see things. It can be frustrating, having a strong desire and urge to connect but not having any way to act on it!
That’s where bating comes in. I’ve jerked off since forever and I’ve even posted a lot of content online to share the stuff that gets me off, going all the way back to Yahoo! Groups through Tumblr and now Twitter. But as the bating community has grown online, it’s helped me make better sense of my sexuality and given me an outlet for it. There are a lot of guys out there who have some of the same feelings that I do, whether they identify as gay, straight or bi. And bating is a way for us to come together and enjoy it. For me, bating is the act that fits perfectly with my desire and sexuality.
This has taught me not to be so hung up on labels and trying to figure myself out all the time. I’m a guy and I enjoy guy stuff. That’s about it. If it helps other people to understand me as gay, then that’s fine. But for myself, I think of myself as a normal guy who enjoys hanging out with other guys, including bating together.
I know I’m probably an outlier among guys who aren’t interested in women but if you stroke with me, you don’t have to worry about kissing, sucking or anything more than jacking each other. That other stuff is a turn-off for me too. I’m also cool with no touching and just watching straight porn. It’s just the connection through bating that I’m looking for so it’s all good.
I wanted to write this because I feel like my experience is a little different than the other ones I’ve read on here. But at the end of the day, we’re all guys who enjoy hanging out and getting off with each other.
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