Wife upset about wanking
Submitted by Anon in London
“My wife has expressed her disgust at my wanking habits more than a couple of times. It’s not like I get my cock out around the house or in front of the mother in law, she just seems to hate the very idea that I would be enjoying my own penis. I knew she had a religious upbringing, but I never really thought that she was such a puritan. We’ve been married for four years, we’re both in our late 30’s, and she no longer has any sex drive to speak of. It’s become so bad that I now wank in the car, because I feel like she’s watching me if I even try to do it at home. I’m not joking when I say that she asks me questions about why I might lock the bathroom door when I’m in the shower, or what I’m looking at on my iPad, or making comments about a pretty girl on the TV and how I would probably be playing with myself if she wasn’t in the room. Over the last six months I’ve found a couple of secluded spots where I can pull up and enjoy a wank in peace, but I know I should not have to do this.”
Anon, you’re not going to like this, but I think you need to move on with your life away from this woman.
If you’ve discussed this with your wife and she’s not willing to budge then I think this is a doomed relationship. It’s a shame, but I note that you didn’t mention love at all in your full submission, that’s worthy of note.
It seems bizarre to me (and probably many readers) that there would be women out there with this kind of attitude in 2015, but they certainly do exist. You can take a look at numerous sites out there and see plenty of women who seem to want to control their male partners in peculiar ways, dictating how and when they should enjoy their own body. If any man attempts to do that to a woman they are rightly called a misogynistic pig, but somehow the same rules don’t apply to the women constantly complaining about how their man enjoys his own penis.
[bloketoysad]
There are even women out there who openly complain about the objectification of women, while themselves enjoying the objectification of men. Again, there are many double-standards when it comes to gender equality.
Your penis is yours, you can do with it what you wish. While sharing it with someone else would of course be of relevance to her, enjoying it through masturbation is absolutely none of her business. She has absolutely no claim on your body, any more than you have any claim on hers.
I would be telling her that your cock is yours, and she will not tell you how to enjoy it, when to enjoy it, or how much to enjoy it. If she doesn’t like this, she presumably has someone she can live with while she thinks about how ridiculous she is. The very notion that you would be forced out of your own private space, your own personal dwelling, because she is so ignorant and controlling, is unfathomable to me and should not be tolerated.
Having a wife upset about wanking in this day and age is really no longer reasonable. To be perfectly blunt, I would say that you should grow a spine, go home and tell her that you’re going up to the bedroom to have a wank, and if she doesn’t like that she should probably leave and dedicate the rest of her life to inventing a time machine so she can get back to the Puritan England of the 1600’s.
Have an opinion about this post? Want to offer your own advice or personal perspective? Leave your comment below.
I’m gonna have to echo here, your wife of only 4 years in her late 30’s shouldn’t be shaming you for masturbating, especially since she has all but no sex drive. Unless your wife has a medical excuse like pain during vaginal intercourse or your hung like a whale and are terrible in bed, then she should still be craving sex with you. Her teasing you about masturbating is her insecurities about her sex drive and her constant questions is her trying to get a reading on what your doing about your sex life now that she has decided to put the breaks on you and her sex life.
Its time for a serious heart to heart about your sex life. If you’re good with the amount of sex you two are having and so is she then she needs to hush about your alone time. If you’re not good then you need to tell her your not and figure out why/how to change what is happening. Part of saying “I do” is agreeing that you will be the end all be all of each others sex life for the rest of your life. Sex is a basic human need and will not be neglected/ignored. It is one of the main reasons that monogamy and the discussion of fidelity is a part of those vows as sex, like food, will not be denied. If sex for her is causing pain, go see a Dr and find out why. If your lousy in bed then find out why and change it. If she has some dark kink that she neglected to bring up before the “day of vows” and is embarrassed to bring it up now cause she thinks you will leave her if you find out about it, then reassure her you wont leave her and FIND OUT ABOUT IT.
Ultimately, masturbation is a solitary activity (while it can be shared with others), she shouldn’t be shaming you about it, nor should she be threatened by it. She needs to understand that attempting to shame you about it is controlling, malicious, abusive and wrong. Her say in your sex life stopped the minute she started saying no to sex and regardless masturbation is going to continue even if she starts putting out again. Your only obligation to her on a sexual level according to your vows at that point is monogamy. To that end, if she continues to with-hold sex then ultimately (through honest open conversations) you’re going to have to open up the relationship to others for sex. As I stated, sex is a basic human need and if one partner in a monogamous relationship is withholding sex it WILL (its just a matter of when) lead to the other straying outside of the relationship to fulfill that need. If you had a teenager in the house would you be ok with her shaming them? Would you allow for her to teach your son or daughter that masturbation and learning about your physical body, how it reacts during sex? what turns you on? what gets you off? is wrong and allow her to shame them?
So I would start with some difficult conversations. She needs to understand that her attitude is wrong and its not allowed, otherwise your going to find your self getting caught pounding it in a public place and depending on who catches you, are going to have a lot more difficult discussions with people you don’t know, about sex-predator registry or water-cooler discussions about how Earl heard you pounding one out in the next door stall of the work bathroom.
If after that, she is still shaming you, I would dump her and move on to another who is sexually compatible with you and not an abusive twat.