Just Ask and Set Some Boundaries

Submitted by idontwearhats

I read a story on the BuddyBate Tumblr page about a guy who wanted to bate with some buddies, but had a bad experience where the other guy obviously wanted more. I wanted to provide some perspective, and encouragement from a bi dude who tends to swing more toward the “gay” end of the Kinsey scale.

First up – If you find yourself in a situation like that, set some quick boundaries; especially if it’s somebody you just met. Let them know you’re just interested in a jerk with a bro, and anything else is a turn off. Gay, bi, or straight, if a guy wants to get off with another guy, they’ll most likely respect that.

Second – Don’t discount the gay bros. Just because a guy is gay does not mean that they want more with a straight bud, or that they don’t want to enjoy a bate bud experience with a friend no matter their sexuality. Having romantic sex with my partner is a completely different experience to/for me than kicking back, watching some porn, and stroking one out with a good mate. That’s why mutual masturbation is often called extreme bonding – sharing a private, intimate experience with a friend. Again, as long as boundaries are set, and each consenting adult is clear on their objective, no harm done. And no, your gay bro isn’t going to get a crush on you just because he touched your dick – same way you don’t get a crush on every pussy you’ve been with. 🙂

Third – Sexuality is a nuanced, individual thing. Saying you are “gay” or “straight” is not the whole story. Just because you have an idea of what “straight” is does not always fit another’s idea. Basically, you aren’t going to go around telling all of your “straight” friends you like to bate with dudes because you’re worried they will miss-identify you as being “into dudes.” Similarly, it’s hard for someone who identifies as gay to say, “I like to bate with dudes”, without people immediately assuming it’s another way to get into a guy’s pants. I have had, and very much miss having a bate bud to kick back and watch some (usually straight) porn with. There are many experiences on this site where the guys have said how they love the strong friendship and bond that bating together brings, and they couldn’t be more right. One of my very best friends from my 20’s came about from just bating together; him being almost exclusively straight (except bating), and me being more gay than bi. He’s moved on a while ago sadly, but we still keep in touch.

To sum up, just set some boundaries, and be true to yourself, what you want, and your individual desires. Sure, you need to protect yourself from others who may not understand your unique perspective or sexuality, but at the end of the day life is entirely too short not to enjoy the things YOU want to do and desire. Now, get out there and have some fun with your buds!

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