I’m jacking off with a buddy and want to jack each other, but is it cheating?
Submitted by TonyStarkNaked
Three months ago I found another dude to jack off with and we’ve been having some good times watching porn and bating. I was real nervous about it the first time but it’s been awesome. I met him at the grocery store and he was wearing a BuddyBate pin. I wasn’t wearing mine but I told him I had one too. I said I was inexperienced and just curious but he said that was cool and he wrote his number down.
I waited a few days before I got in touch but when I did he was real chilled about it felt right so we met for coffee. He said he’d jacked off with one dude before and he’d been thinking about trying it again. We have similar thoughts about things and just enjoy the freedom of it but he said he might be cool with jacking each other eventually.
We’ve had a few great bate sessions since then just watching porn and jacking. It’s real relaxing to be able to just enjoy it with another guy. I love watching his cock while he strokes it and seeing him come always makes me come.
It hasn’t been too long but I think I want to try jacking him. I don’t know if he would be down for that yet and we haven’t talked about it since that first meeting but I’ve been thinking about what it would feel like and I think I want to try it.
My problem is that I wonder if it’s cheating. My girlfriend doesn’t know we’re jacking off. She thinks we bonded over baseball. I didn’t think about it much before because it’s just two guys watching porn and jacking it and I don’t think that qualifies as cheating on someone, but I think it might be if we were jacking each other. I guess I’m just wondering what everyone else thinks about it. Do you think I’m cheating on her already? Is it only cheating if we jack each other? Do you think it’s not cheating even then if it’s only about friendship and masturbation?
I’ve changed a couple of things about this just in case the other guy reads it. I don’t want things to get awkward.
Hey Larry,
This is something that’s been asked before and different guys have different opinions about it. Some guys don’t see it as cheating because they have no romantic attachment to the guy they’re jacking it with and masturbation is something they do regularly anyway, it’s just something they’re now able to share with a friend who enjoys it as much as they do.
Other guys think masturbation in the company of another guy is okay but making physical contact is crossing that infidelity line.
Then there are guys who think even being naked with another guy is something they should tell their partner about.
Ultimately, it’s all about your own perspectives, what you think she would feel about it, and no one else can make this determination for you.
I would suggest that you think about her feelings and consider whether she would see it as cheating. Some women do, some women don’t. I know several bators who have a significant other and they’re a mix of situations. One of them is in a sexless marriage at 35 and he enjoys the pleasure and bonding of mutual masturbation with other guys, he doesn’t care whether his wife would like it or not. Another married friend in his 40’s is open about it all with his wife and she enjoys hearing about his experiences, she considers it as just guys being guys. Another friend and his wife are into the swinging scene and she likes to watch him and another one of his friends 
Just remember that everyone deserves to be happy. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Generally, I would say no it’s not – no more than shaking hands. However, I think that the fine line is probably whether you are doing it for your own gratification (to get off on) or for your mate’s. If you just want to give your mate pleasure, by taking the workload off him, so that he can lay back and enjoy his orgasm, then it’s fine. He’s your mate, you want to see him hit the heights of ecstasy. If you’re doing it purely to satisfy yourself and get your own rocks off and to hell with your mate, then it perhaps points to something missing in your own relationship and is perhaps much closer to cheating.
That’s an interesting perspective, Nick. I’ve never considered it from that angle before. I think you’re right, though. Maybe if it’s about friendship, bonding and camaraderie it’s more excusable than if it’s solely about the individual thrill of handling another cock. I think there might be a post in this idea. I’ll have a think about it and perhaps write something up later. Unless you want to do so, of course 🙂
Thanks for you comment.
I agree, theres something to this angle. Thanks for your insight.
Personally it’s really just some harmless fun – much more in the view of what of what BuddyBateBrad said before, no romantic feelings or attachment it’s not cheating.
I think a purest would argue that even spending time with someone else instead of your wife / at the expense of your wife is stepping outside the bounds of marriage or cheating – perhaps even just self pleasure………… but let’s face it in this modest society everyone masturbates, we just don’t all talk about it openly.
If you happen to wank off while someone else wanks off or touch their penis or more (hell, I’ve been blown by married dudes) but I have no intention of running away and shacking up with them or get married etc or neither them with me everyone goes back to to their wives happy. Long story short, no marriages in danger, no cheating in my opinion.
I SAY GO FOR IT. It’s not cheating you like being together and that what counts. Hell I wish I had one to bate with .
If you ask the question you probably already ”feel” in some way that it is cheating….. but is that because you believe that or you think your GF/wife would think that, and you translate her feelings into your guilt? Almost in anticipation of her disapproval. My theory is that feminism has made women expect more from “relationships” and demand sexual satisfaction on their own terms while diminishing our needs. In fact men’s “needs” have been dismissed by feminists. I’m all for women being sexually free, but they need to accept us for who we are also. Feminists hate the easy girls – but we love them.
I am not saying that Relationships are not important to both men and women. Stats say that happily married men live significantly longer than single men. but, my view is that men can compartmentalise sex and for us a wank isn’t really about an emotional support. It’s about relief and the friendship we develop with a bate buddy is a friendship – but not romantic love. We have a relationship with an equal brother who also wants relief. But the romantic love “relationship” thing relates to the emotional baggage that women seem to value more than us.
A wank with a bloke can be separated in our minds from a relationship. It’s not the basis for an emotional support relationship. Perhaps a bromance is an emotional support relationship?? But most buddy bates are bit of light relief.
The test is if you think your gf/wife would feel emotionally threatened that your bate bud could take her place as your emotional support – then it is cheating.
But if she has nothing to fear from your bating, then it’s not.
What surprises me is that the “cheating” angle is dependent on her feelings, not yours. Feminism has made women more demanding of their being sexually satisfied which is good – but my wife is very demanding of what she wants in bed and takes it for granted that my needs will just take care of themselves. Her assumption that I get off no matter what seems to cause her not to worry too much about me. In some way, her selfishness is a bit of a turn on for me. But then most things are a bit of a turn on for me…. but I decided that her complete refusal to even explore some of my fantasies but insistence that I deliver hers was too one-sided. Hence I don’t think it’s cheating. I’ve never met a bate bud I want to marry….let alone spend more than a few hours with at a time. My love is always with my wife.
i don’t think its cheating. i still never did anything with a mate but i don’t think my gf would care if she found out i wanked with a mate.
It’s all about how you feel. There’s lots of good points being made. Your questioning makes we ask, what is making you question this?
I was married 18 years, cheated on her for the last 8 years. I had all kinds of excuses for it. In the end I wished I had ended the marriage before cheating.
Wish you the best in finding your answer.
What is understanding of cheating? Is it getting off when your partner (i.e. girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse, etc..) is not around? Or is it spending intimate time (whether it be sitting for a meal, having long conversations, or sex) with someone other than your partner? Getting off isn’t the definition of cheating, developing an intimate relationship, (no matter what the two of you do), with someone other than your partner is cheating.
If you are developing feelings for this friend of yours, that goes beyond just having a platonic jerk off shesh, you have to be honest with yourself, cause only you know, then you know what the answer is. It’s one thing to just be goofy with each other and get off together, it’s something else when you start desiring one another. But whatever, just be true to yourself and you will be happy.
If you think your wife would consider it a betrayal of trust, if she would consider it cheating, then yeah, I guess it’s cheating.
The question that raises is are you okay with this type of cheating. It is quite possible for your wife to consider it a betrayal, while you would not.
Personally, if I felt there was no chance of anyone else ever knowing, if I felt no one would be hurt, I would go for it. It’s an experience I want to have, and my wife is never going to join me or condone it. I know there would be no threat of romantic feelings developing, on my part, so I would consider it more of an extension of my masturbation practices.
Be sure to let us know if you grab a handful!
Having read the replies so far to this question..i can only give it my take..and my view on this. My wife has said that she no longer needs or wants sex..so for the last 6 years i have been in a sexless marriage…and i have had to make other arrangements…i truly believe my wife would see me wanking with my mates as cheating..and would never understand my needs…i had a choice…stay married but without sex…or look for an outlet for MY NEEDS..which i think is what most men need..or a 3rd option of walking away from my marriage after 30 plus years…so i took the option to look outside..and have no regrets about that..
So do i feel guilty..NO i dont..would my wife understand my need..NO she wouldnt…would she think im cheating YES she would..but as a normal healthy bloke..who has always been addicted to wanking..i will carry on enjoying just that…and if at times ..be that on my own or wanking with mates..or anyone else..i should meet through wearing my buddybate badge..i will enjoy doing what i do…As MEN HAVE NEEDS AS WELL
Sure, it is! But go for it.